reflections
anata wa suki yo
my stubborn heart has reached another peak, temptation to talk to her once again took over. but this time nothing extremely emotional occured, i can safely assert that i have some significant control over my hormones. But my heart remains unchanged, guess shes has the X-factor...get it?X has the X fator, haha well im not sure if ur reading but only you would understand. Im still as patient as ever and my feelings are unlikely to change in the near future, or at least in the next 100 days..
Today i sat on stage at the school hall after school, i'll try my best to depict my feelings during that time. It was nothing bad, infact one of the more pleasant ones ive had in a long time. There i was, sitting on the stage with my legs shaking whilst my hands on the wooden surface staring upwards towards the ceiling. Honestly the hall is my favourite part of the school, when deres nobody or only my friends around of course. kinda gives a grand but pleasant feeling. its scrotching outside but the hall is always cool. the other reason probably is the piano, through this year ive made many friends and learn many things from the piano. while shaking my legs, there were two people playing badminton, aquantances, hardly said hi. my friend was studying on the floor below me, and another friend playing music. You know the kind of feeling it has, den i started thinking about school and life as a whole, barely weeks before the end of school and about 100 days more to the end of study, and ive never really sat down like this and enjoy my time here, which fortunately i did today.
My classmates often say oh bell ring , go home sleep, go home study, go out eat, there is always this factor of urgency and rush for time which we have in abundant. Nobody actually stops, and stays back in class, to relax and jus talk, to enjoy themselves in school. everyone is jus focused on getting the notes, getting the knowledge and go home. well im glad i made afew friends whom i can share and enjoy with after school. we make unplanned meetings after school mostly in the hall. if im to rush all the time to school and home without a breather, im afraid im gna regret when i graduate.
When people say they miss school life, i get the feeling that they've never really lived it fully, too caught up in the rat race. Well in the next few weeks im gna make sur ei won't regret and live and enjoy fully while studying at the same time.
I need straight As to get into the course i want. Ive pretty much got my life roughly planned out in my heart, kokoro ga mieh na kuteh. If all goes well, i'll get into NUS after NS, take up chem engineering, and hopefully and schlaship which is highly unlikely. Get out work for a petrol chemical company for a couple of years, get married, have afew kids by early 30s, so that they'll be up and working by the time im 50, go into alittle research, fuel cell and water purification are my interests, i wanna create and make something to help and contribute to society. less for charity but more for personal achievements, to know that i created an impact. Sell some products and innovate certain products. retire at 55-60, bring my wife around the world. and ive not planned any furthur than that.
of all these i guess the biggest hurdle is this one in 88 days time. Not that im afraid or anything, im not honestly, as long i do my best, you u know the power of knowing uve done ur best? It sounds cliche but if u done ur best, deres no reason to regret because u couldn't have done anything better than that. though sometimes it may not be enough to get what u want, it shows that u do not have the ability to get it, in other words, its not ur specialty, so go do somthing else. besides creative things, my true ambition is to be a teacher. i wan to teach and be an educator, in a classroom setting. Obviously it doesn't sound v financially appealing but its truely what i want. Though the catch phrase "chase your dreams" might be true to some extent, this is reality, teaching is not something u can be really successful and rich in. whats more, not like my parents will agree to me being a teacher, they expect me to be better than them. which benchmarks somewhere i may not be able to attain or do not want to attain. Money is not everything.
My parents seem to have a warped impression that "you must be rich, u must be successful to sustain a good lifestyle". For all respect i could be wrong, maybe its true that money brings happiness but when i compare my family with another average family whom my mom deems to be "heartlanders"(i do not like her discrimination though she frequently practices it at work), i find that although we may be slightly more wealthy, we are no where near the level of happiness and closeness these families experience. Well fundamentally, my point is not to say go sweep the roads and be happy, i will ensure a roof and food for my family but unlike this one, mine will be closer, in future, even if it is at the expense of money. Once again, i must be careful with my words of doubt and disagreement with those more senior than i am because previous trends have proven me more wrong than right.
Work count: Econs--->one essay
Food for thought : Did you know that the word "deprove" is not an official english word? do not use it in ur essays in future, bad mistake(check the dictionary if u do not believe me)
Lame comment of the day: If you find my yellow sock, it isn't mine, i haven any.
This is my dog toto, the other two dogs video i'll upload if someone asks haha, takes too long to upload one. dun ask me what hes doing cause im not sure myself, but its a pleasure to watch him.=)
~datahush vi britannia commands..
11:07 PM
past memories
August 2007
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Thanks to : blossom, bouncy-bubbles for the images! :D
